Addicts experience a loss of control, or powerlessness, over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives spinning out of control. The addict experiences growing shame, pain and frustration. The addict may want to stop but fails repeatedly. The unmanageability of addicts' lives are seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.

Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park to find partners for anonymous sex.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.